Dear A,
I would like to believe that like the lovely, flowing,
starkly different notes gushing forth from an antique piano, love too, is not
bound by uniformity, despite stemming from one beating muscular source- a tangible-yet-intangible
source. And yet, no one object is more bound by clichés than is the object of
love. Vision tinted by the calming essence of rosewater, autumnal leaves
singing orange melodies, hearts pounding unto arrhythmia, vows of the hallowed
‘forever’, holding hands… is it possible that clichés are the undoing of your
generation, a young generation, seeking true love?
One day, and maybe that day has come already, you will
decide to set out on that lifelong quest to ‘be in love’. But I advise you to
stop wanting to be in love. Instead, set your mind on understanding love, discovering
it. There will be questions galore. How do you recognize love? How do you know
you’re in love? How much is too much? When such dilemmas are faced, I recommend
you resist the temptation of turning to one of those numerous badly-informed rulebooks
which liken love to flushed cheeks and a wildly beating heart- if such is the
feeling you require, a bout of high fever is what you need. These rules have
been written by generations of semantically-blessed, lovelorn fools. And they
are lapped up millions of lazy love-seekers who’re too lazy to discover the
feeling for themselves. You must dare to be different. Learn your own lessons. Remember,
there are no rules in love. If at all you need a rulebook, pen it down
yourself, guided by your own experience. And if you feel your rules are
nonsensical, tear them up, and carry on with your journey anyway.
You might beg to differ, because at your age you are no
doubt highly idealistic, but there might be no such person as ‘the one’. Love
is not about you or another person as individuals. It is about your dynamic as
a couple, as a working unit. Yes, ‘the spark’ does exist, and you can find it
with several people. But after a certain point, it boils down to how much effort
you put in. Strive to better yourself as a person. Respect yourself and your
partner. Sacrifice might be involved. Fight fiercely but sort things out with
just as much passion. Compromise is inevitable, so be open to it. But if your
happiness is being compromised too much, have the gumption to get out of the relationship.
You will be doing everyone a favour. Be a rebel. Be a little selfish. Be a
little selfless. Be practical. Be impractical. Keep with the times. Go retro.
Move forward. Take a step back. Be philosophical. Keep it real. Trust
implicitly. Be wary.
As is the unfortunate case with your entire generation, you
too are matured beyond your age. So, I don’t need to stress on the need to be careful.
Experiment all you want, if you must, without compromising on your ingrained
morals, because that will kill your spirit one little grain at a time. You were
brought up on the basic principle of ‘live and let live’. Never, and I mean
never, attempt to destroy another for your needs. Never, ever cheat. Don’t go
down the path of debauchery, because that is meant for the crude and sickly. Learn
to care, truly care. Make your partner the most important person in your life,
but don’t build an altar for him in the centre of your universe. Don’t make him
your world, your everything. Have your own life. Don’t ignore your friends;
they’re the ones who have your back all the way. Let your family have a say
too, but no, theirs need not be the final word.
Love is not without heartbreak. Don’t be afraid of it.
You’re human and you’ll get over it soon enough. Yes, people have killed
themselves over heartbreak, but they were weak and lived for love. You mustn’t
live for love. You must love to live, that’s more important. You were created
so you could contribute some measure of beauty to the world, and you must do
your bit even if it only requires you to be yourself. Have fun with life, with
love. Keep smiling, stay in touch with your inner music and poetry cultivate
the habit of laughing heartily. Chocolate helps too.
I can’t put an age to when one must fall in love. It comes
down to maturity. I naturally still see you as a baby, and will worry myself
sick and nag you till you tire of me. But, when you do find love, the kind of
love that you believe is real, cherish it, nurture it, nourish it and most
importantly bask in it, until you’ve tanned a content shade of scarlet.
Love,
Me
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