It would be the easy thing to do- to say, Ma was right all along, I should've just listened to her. No, but that would be the easy thing to do, not to mention delusional.
I have failed to make a single genuine friend in my life. Well, ok, genuine is too strong a word. The thing is, everyone has this one special friend they turn to for everything. Everything. Who will pick the phone at 2 am and hear you out, as opposed to sending a message saying 'Am dead tired. Will talk in the morning'. Who will pull you close when you try to shut yourself out, as opposed to, 'just giving you your space.' Who will rebuke you when you do something stupid, as opposed to saying ,'Well, you know what's right for you.' Who's in touch with you 24/7, as opposed to propogating the philosophy of, 'We don't need to stay in touch all the time to be best friends.' Who will hold your hands when you tell them your dog just died, as opposed to saying, 'Oh sorry da. So did you guys meet up last evening?' Who will fight with you and yet be back the moment they sense you need them, as opposed to blaming their absence on the fight. No, I don't have such friends. I have friends who are all genuine people in their own right. Yes I have my fun times with them. But the thing is, if I were to get stuck in a flood in the middle of the night or meet with an accident, I can't name one friend, not even one, who I would want to call, feel justified in calling, not feel bad calling.
Getting back to what Ma always says. 'Your friends will be there for you as long as you're having fun. The moment life starts getting turbulent, they'll be gone.' Ma, I wish that were true. It's just that, it just isn't.
I look around me, in my own friend's circles, and see I'm alone. Everyone, yes even the guys, has a friend they turn to for everything, a friend who doesn't use them just to go out for a drink when all their other friends have abandoned them. I guess, a best friend is what I am getting at. And the beautiful (too bad for you Noosh) thing is, the more I see my friends, the more convinced I am that the concept of a best friend does exist.
So assuming that I am the problem, what have I done wrong? Is it my selfishness? Is it my horrible directness? Is it my hatred for all things imperfect (one can't really hate oneself)? Is it my sour outlook on life. Is it my moodiness? Is it my temper?
Is it just that I am a bad friend in return?
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No...it is not any of that. Mayeb now, you don't see it.....and to a large extent i can relate to what you are saying...but you will probably have no clue how dear you are to the people who, like you, seldom express their feelings. It doesn't always need to be said, some things are better best left a thought
ReplyDeleteThere are just way too many factors involved.
ReplyDeleteI believe for you to have a best friend distance is a main factor. As you move from one place to another (geographically, professionally, emotionally, mentally etc.) you grow and become a different person and for you to find a person who understands all your facets is difficult. So I believe in a number of good friends rather than a single best friend. you share a different part of you with each of them. And according to me thats not too bad.
I am sure slowly, among these good friends you will recognize whom you can call when u r struck by lightening or to cry ur heart out or call just for laughs.
In a way ur Ma is right too, some friends r meant for fun only. but there r others who will mean so much more.
This may not b the answer u r looking for. The idealistic best friend may still b out there, some of these good friends may turn out to b one, who knows.
And I kinda agree with tarunya too. U never know how much a person likes u.
I can go rambling on. but I think we shud make sure this looks like ur blog post rather than mine. :)
dude! its like m reading something I wrote :(
ReplyDelete-anjaly
p.s.:don't know why m called vis com girl.. must've been something stupid i did in 1st year..
haha anju...vis com girl...is sooo not you!
ReplyDelete